Kino "needs help reacting to something" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
onlyatraveler) wrote2014-08-30 01:25 am
onlyatraveler) wrote2014-08-30 01:25 am
Inbox for CDC
kino@cdc.org
(1) UNREAD MESSAGES
kino@cdc.org
(1) UNREAD MESSAGES
FROM: warriorhead@cdc.org
I guess we'll see.
:)
I guess we'll see.
:)
FROM: kino@cdc.org
And this is why I am usually cautious.
But I will look forward to it as well.
[wow warriorhead please stop being so cute]
And this is why I am usually cautious.
But I will look forward to it as well.
[wow warriorhead please stop being so cute]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
We've made it through in one piece, for the most part.
[Perhaps missing a few pieces, though. Hermes still complains every once in a while about the holes that the jekhe had left him with.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
And you, Havoc?
We've made it through in one piece, for the most part.
[Perhaps missing a few pieces, though. Hermes still complains every once in a while about the holes that the jekhe had left him with.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
And you, Havoc?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
No, we were first dropped on a mountain, and once we got to the bottom, we were greeted by butterflies that could cut through armor and eat through metal.
They were also poisonous.
[And that was just the first leg of the journey. The second involved stealing a boat from the neraki and being greeted by a very angry group on the other side of the inlet.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Tell me about the arrows—were the neraki attacking you?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
It's been... extremely taxing. I don't remember the journey to the meeting point being this long for when I arrived on Ajna.
No, we were first dropped on a mountain, and once we got to the bottom, we were greeted by butterflies that could cut through armor and eat through metal.
They were also poisonous.
[And that was just the first leg of the journey. The second involved stealing a boat from the neraki and being greeted by a very angry group on the other side of the inlet.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Tell me about the arrows—were the neraki attacking you?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
It's been... extremely taxing. I don't remember the journey to the meeting point being this long for when I arrived on Ajna.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
Butterflies? We're they at least as frail as their earth counterparts?
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
Apparently one group was greeted with fire arrows from the Neraki. My group had a giant bug-fish.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
Me neither. It makes me wonder what might have prevented a closer drop.
Butterflies? We're they at least as frail as their earth counterparts?
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
Apparently one group was greeted with fire arrows from the Neraki. My group had a giant bug-fish.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
Me neither. It makes me wonder what might have prevented a closer drop.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
That would've been easier to handle, but their wings were almost like crystals. They were also sharp.
We were able to get through quickly enough before anything too bad happened, but it was... difficult.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
A bug-fish? How giant?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I'm not sure.
I've heard that every drop has its own challenges to it. Many tend to think that the instructors do it on purpose.
That would've been easier to handle, but their wings were almost like crystals. They were also sharp.
We were able to get through quickly enough before anything too bad happened, but it was... difficult.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
A bug-fish? How giant?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I'm not sure.
I've heard that every drop has its own challenges to it. Many tend to think that the instructors do it on purpose.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Relative to arrows and a sea-monster, yes, but they were troublesome when driving through them.
[Kino had quite a few new nicks and gouges in their armor, and Hermes had a few holes in his frame.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
That's... fairly massive.
Were you able to get away safely? Is anyone hurt, to your knowledge?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I would prefer not to think of it, but... it's difficult to ignore.
It's not unlike the CDC to do something like that, especially after what we learned of our mission on Ajna.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I think it's cruel to put people through hardship in order to strengthen some and clear out the rest. But what I think doesn't matter in the end.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
What's your opinion?
Relative to arrows and a sea-monster, yes, but they were troublesome when driving through them.
[Kino had quite a few new nicks and gouges in their armor, and Hermes had a few holes in his frame.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
That's... fairly massive.
Were you able to get away safely? Is anyone hurt, to your knowledge?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I would prefer not to think of it, but... it's difficult to ignore.
It's not unlike the CDC to do something like that, especially after what we learned of our mission on Ajna.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I think it's cruel to put people through hardship in order to strengthen some and clear out the rest. But what I think doesn't matter in the end.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
What's your opinion?
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
I'll keep that in mind.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
We got out- some injured, yes, but no one's critical. Nanites are quite the useful carry-on.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
To be honest, I'd understand the basic idea... sometimes you have to dump people in the middle of a do-or-die situation to get something done.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
Though you'd hope there was slightly less liklihood of the "die" option...
I'll keep that in mind.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
We got out- some injured, yes, but no one's critical. Nanites are quite the useful carry-on.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
To be honest, I'd understand the basic idea... sometimes you have to dump people in the middle of a do-or-die situation to get something done.
FROM: havoc@cdc.org
Though you'd hope there was slightly less liklihood of the "die" option...
FROM: kino@cdc.org
It's good to hear everyone made it.
Yes, I had to use a nanite shot for the first time a few days ago. They're extremely useful... though I feel they could become dangerous if used too often.
[Just like how pain-killers only masked the pain; they didn't fix the source.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
The missions are dangerous enough without any added dangers in order to "weed" people out.
And I feel as though it might succeed easier without the additional hurdles as well.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
It's either that or they're teaching us a lesson of the type of control they have. I don't like either option.
It's good to hear everyone made it.
Yes, I had to use a nanite shot for the first time a few days ago. They're extremely useful... though I feel they could become dangerous if used too often.
[Just like how pain-killers only masked the pain; they didn't fix the source.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
The missions are dangerous enough without any added dangers in order to "weed" people out.
And I feel as though it might succeed easier without the additional hurdles as well.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
It's either that or they're teaching us a lesson of the type of control they have. I don't like either option.
[as he felt wont to do these days: he watched. arm across a chest, small form shrinking even further - a flower folding in on itself, a fern collapsing under heavy rain's insistence, a sapling bending before it even had the chance to catch its share of the sun. resignation? acceptance? caught in limbo, stretched thin in between, though he maintained he hadn't a clue on how to read Kino.]
[gut feelings came much easier, stripped of rationality and pulled only from what he observed. fear reared its head foremost on watching Kino bend-- desperation, quick and vicious, at its heels- and, in the end,]
How do you mean? How is it? What is it?
[quiet but sharp, like the business end of a spear. he doesn't immediately move, but if she looks, she'll find him staring - searching, even, for something in her face.]
[if she replies at all, of course. he's prepared for that, too. --- not consciously, of course; these followed natural incentives.]
[gut feelings came much easier, stripped of rationality and pulled only from what he observed. fear reared its head foremost on watching Kino bend-- desperation, quick and vicious, at its heels- and, in the end,]
How do you mean? How is it? What is it?
[quiet but sharp, like the business end of a spear. he doesn't immediately move, but if she looks, she'll find him staring - searching, even, for something in her face.]
[if she replies at all, of course. he's prepared for that, too. --- not consciously, of course; these followed natural incentives.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
You're right. Perhaps that's why the CDC only provides us certain numbers of the shots.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I suppose not, but others that might not have any training to prepare them might have reason to.
...But I suppose if everyone makes it to camp in one piece, nothing too terrible came out of it.
[Besides, you know, all the travail of the journey.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Do you happen to know how far off you are from the rendezvous?
You're right. Perhaps that's why the CDC only provides us certain numbers of the shots.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I suppose not, but others that might not have any training to prepare them might have reason to.
...But I suppose if everyone makes it to camp in one piece, nothing too terrible came out of it.
[Besides, you know, all the travail of the journey.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Do you happen to know how far off you are from the rendezvous?
[Hinata shouldn't feel estranged by that—very few ever had been able to accomplish such a thing. Master had been able to read the kid extremely easily, finding much of herself in the youth, though soon the pupil had surpassed the master in what Kino had and hadn't been able to hide from her. They'd hidden enough to have been able to run away from her house, roaring off into the small hours of the morning on Hermes, keeping with them a revolver that had been Master's. She'd be furious with Kino if they ever crossed paths again; furious before any sort of relief that the kid was alive.
Being here with the CDC, though, that wouldn't be an issue. It also meant that the pool of people privy to the way Kino's thoughts tended to work was restricted to pretty much only Hermes, and he wasn't exactly the type to pry or share.
For now, the traveler... finds it even harder to put into words, once Hinata asks.] It's... [Stalling out, strangely enough—the thoughts are there, a viscous miasma of feeling and doubt and worry that the kid can't seem to find the thread of, and without the thread, there would be no needle drawn through words to string them along.
A pause.
Mouth pressing into a grim line before moving once more.] ...Difficult to say. It's like... now I understand what they want us to be.
[The impression of that. A silhouette in the doorway, light blasting them from behind; the CDC's light, but you can see the shape they want you to fill.
Kino still feels cold. When will that go away? Was it a left-over of the simulation or something else?
They needed to warm up. They needed to think. They can feel Hinata's gaze boring into the side of their face but for some reason it seems incredibly difficult, to turn and face it.]
I... [Hesitatingly—that's not normal for the self-assured traveler.] I think I need to be alone to think about something. [Guilt, now, worming up out of it all but it still feels like the best decision. Kino had been stung when Hinata had turned them away outside the Black Box; was it right that the same happen again, but in reverse? They just feel as though they might work through a lot of this without added distraction.]
If... you don't mind. [These words were small—also unlike them.
But it's clear that Kino feels very unlike themself.]
Being here with the CDC, though, that wouldn't be an issue. It also meant that the pool of people privy to the way Kino's thoughts tended to work was restricted to pretty much only Hermes, and he wasn't exactly the type to pry or share.
For now, the traveler... finds it even harder to put into words, once Hinata asks.] It's... [Stalling out, strangely enough—the thoughts are there, a viscous miasma of feeling and doubt and worry that the kid can't seem to find the thread of, and without the thread, there would be no needle drawn through words to string them along.
A pause.
Mouth pressing into a grim line before moving once more.] ...Difficult to say. It's like... now I understand what they want us to be.
[The impression of that. A silhouette in the doorway, light blasting them from behind; the CDC's light, but you can see the shape they want you to fill.
Kino still feels cold. When will that go away? Was it a left-over of the simulation or something else?
They needed to warm up. They needed to think. They can feel Hinata's gaze boring into the side of their face but for some reason it seems incredibly difficult, to turn and face it.]
I... [Hesitatingly—that's not normal for the self-assured traveler.] I think I need to be alone to think about something. [Guilt, now, worming up out of it all but it still feels like the best decision. Kino had been stung when Hinata had turned them away outside the Black Box; was it right that the same happen again, but in reverse? They just feel as though they might work through a lot of this without added distraction.]
If... you don't mind. [These words were small—also unlike them.
But it's clear that Kino feels very unlike themself.]
[The briefest of pauses. The Black Box is still something of a sore subject.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
If the Black Boxes are "simply" training, I don't think thinking about it that way makes me feel any better.
[If that was supposed to prepare them, what they might encounter would most likely end up being even more awful. A sobering thought.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I might arrive in camp before you. We're very close.
Have you heard the trees singing yet?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
If the Black Boxes are "simply" training, I don't think thinking about it that way makes me feel any better.
[If that was supposed to prepare them, what they might encounter would most likely end up being even more awful. A sobering thought.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I might arrive in camp before you. We're very close.
Have you heard the trees singing yet?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I'm no stranger to coarser styles of training and teaching, but... it had seemed particularly cruel, the Black Box.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Yes, I will see you then. Hopefully everything made it down easier than we did.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
The songs are beautiful.
...Though, to be honest, I wish they weren't.
I'm no stranger to coarser styles of training and teaching, but... it had seemed particularly cruel, the Black Box.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Yes, I will see you then. Hopefully everything made it down easier than we did.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
The songs are beautiful.
...Though, to be honest, I wish they weren't.
[not what he expected.]
[not what he expected her to say, though perhaps what he expected her to want. any build toward anger or passion fizzled out, a candle in a fierce wind, embers caught in a downpour - a blink and it's all gone, a second and it's just them, two teenagers kept from the stars by a sheet of glass too thick to break. Hinata didn't linger long on the future the CDC had for them, but if he did--- he had to wonder how he'd feel down the line, if (when!) he returned home to find his classmates, his family, his teammates just the way he'd left them. he couldn't imagine he'd changed much, not as much as he should've (he had), but he'd changed some, and the uncharitable thought that struck on sinking back into the here and now reminded him of it.]
[when he returned home, would he be fine with who he was around? these weren't experiences one forgot. these weren't experiences one shared, back home.]
[there just wasn't anything to relate it to.]
[and so: there was what the CDC wanted them to be.]
[what the people aboard the ship mostly were, and what-- Kino realized. had they both realized the same thing? ... he'd always thought her five steps ahead of the program. it must've been something different. what had she seen?]
[not what he expected, for that. for the second part,]
A--- are you sure? Are you positive? [from silent to loud uncertainty, whole body drawing up as if he'd need to spring on her to keep her from leaving. which-- maybe he would. he remembered brushing her off weeks ago, the mind-numbing need to not be around another, but he also remembered how much he'd wanted company - stupid, stupid, she was being kind! idiot, you know you hate being alone - how much regret ate at him and she was definitely different but,]
Alone alone? I... can just be quiet, honest. Wherever you want to go.
[she sounded too small to leave be.]
[and yet, he didn't budge from his spot to draw closer.]
[not what he expected her to say, though perhaps what he expected her to want. any build toward anger or passion fizzled out, a candle in a fierce wind, embers caught in a downpour - a blink and it's all gone, a second and it's just them, two teenagers kept from the stars by a sheet of glass too thick to break. Hinata didn't linger long on the future the CDC had for them, but if he did--- he had to wonder how he'd feel down the line, if (when!) he returned home to find his classmates, his family, his teammates just the way he'd left them. he couldn't imagine he'd changed much, not as much as he should've (he had), but he'd changed some, and the uncharitable thought that struck on sinking back into the here and now reminded him of it.]
[when he returned home, would he be fine with who he was around? these weren't experiences one forgot. these weren't experiences one shared, back home.]
[there just wasn't anything to relate it to.]
[and so: there was what the CDC wanted them to be.]
[what the people aboard the ship mostly were, and what-- Kino realized. had they both realized the same thing? ... he'd always thought her five steps ahead of the program. it must've been something different. what had she seen?]
[not what he expected, for that. for the second part,]
A--- are you sure? Are you positive? [from silent to loud uncertainty, whole body drawing up as if he'd need to spring on her to keep her from leaving. which-- maybe he would. he remembered brushing her off weeks ago, the mind-numbing need to not be around another, but he also remembered how much he'd wanted company - stupid, stupid, she was being kind! idiot, you know you hate being alone - how much regret ate at him and she was definitely different but,]
Alone alone? I... can just be quiet, honest. Wherever you want to go.
[she sounded too small to leave be.]
[and yet, he didn't budge from his spot to draw closer.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I understand why they cautioned it as the most difficult training they could offer now.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
...In a way.
It's always difficult. Every planet has its own beauty, its own potentials and possibilities.
Things like that, though, just make that a little more difficult to try to forget.
I understand why they cautioned it as the most difficult training they could offer now.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
...In a way.
It's always difficult. Every planet has its own beauty, its own potentials and possibilities.
Things like that, though, just make that a little more difficult to try to forget.
[Kino had hoped they would simply be able to drop into their travels back home when all this was over, thinking of their time with the CDC as a very, very over-extended stay in a certain country. That all the things that Kino would've had to do in their employ would've been the laws there, laws even more set in stone than they had been in the coliseum country (there was no possibility to offer surrender to the planets they visited, not like there had been in that place). Of course Kino would take time to think perhaps they were truly a terrible person for doing such things—for doing them and feeling like they hadn't had a choice—but it would be a passing thought, one of many had in the quiet hours one had to themself.
But this place was changing them. It was changing them so thoroughly that now the kid wonders if they will even be able to go back to traveling should their contract end and they were returned home.
And, if they were, how would that feel? What would it be, if all the people that they had befriended and grown closer to here with this crew were separated once and for good, separated by universes and galaxies, time and space?
This is all Kino's problem—there was no ignoring the "what ifs." Potential outcomes were something a traveler must always be considerate of, and Kino was one of the most prepared travelers there were. Now that the thought was planted, it took root and it grew, and Kino is sure of it now. The CDC was making them into people that would no longer fit in the planets they came from; seasoned recruits that the CDC could then keep, foster, give responsibilities, continue onward.
It was the closest Kino had ever been to angry aboard this ship, though it's an aimless type of frustration; the type borne when one knows there's no way to work around it.
It simmers and then it fades, left empty.
The fact that Hinata protests, not only verbally but physically, his usually restless energy carrying him slightly forward between Kino and the exit, is... complicated, to Kino. In a way, they are surprised he still wants to be around them at all—as dark-eyed as the traveler had become, very few liked to spend time around them like this. In another, they felt slightly ashamed. Perhaps they should've insisted to stay with Hinata, even when he asked for space, but they were just so unused to this sort of thing.
They look to Hinata, the nervous and worried expression in his eyes. The traveler can see a road ahead, a fork further down, the left fork leading into plains and the right into a forest. They could leave him again now—it'd be the easier thing to do, since solitude was something Kino was accustomed to. Self-reliant. Self-sufficient. They could work through the block in their head and continue onward alone. That sort of path appealed to Kino.
But this is Hinata Shouyou saying he can be quiet, he can be wherever, and they can tell he just wants to help. The amount of care is... alarming, in a way. Unwieldy. The traveler wasn't sure what to do with it.
There was a path and two forks and they don't know which one the CDC would want them to take, which would lead towards the person Kino had wanted to be and remain and which lead towards the mold they wanted them to fill.
But he hasn't moved, his gaze hasn't wavered, and finally Kino blinks.] If... if you say so. If you want.
[Kino didn't want to go anywhere. The observation deck was empty and quiet, and that's what they wanted right now. The kid slowly sits down on the floor, several feet away from the glass, drawing their knees up to their chest with arms crossed over, head resting on them.
Very small, slightly closed off, but there's certainly a space next to them.]
But this place was changing them. It was changing them so thoroughly that now the kid wonders if they will even be able to go back to traveling should their contract end and they were returned home.
And, if they were, how would that feel? What would it be, if all the people that they had befriended and grown closer to here with this crew were separated once and for good, separated by universes and galaxies, time and space?
This is all Kino's problem—there was no ignoring the "what ifs." Potential outcomes were something a traveler must always be considerate of, and Kino was one of the most prepared travelers there were. Now that the thought was planted, it took root and it grew, and Kino is sure of it now. The CDC was making them into people that would no longer fit in the planets they came from; seasoned recruits that the CDC could then keep, foster, give responsibilities, continue onward.
It was the closest Kino had ever been to angry aboard this ship, though it's an aimless type of frustration; the type borne when one knows there's no way to work around it.
It simmers and then it fades, left empty.
The fact that Hinata protests, not only verbally but physically, his usually restless energy carrying him slightly forward between Kino and the exit, is... complicated, to Kino. In a way, they are surprised he still wants to be around them at all—as dark-eyed as the traveler had become, very few liked to spend time around them like this. In another, they felt slightly ashamed. Perhaps they should've insisted to stay with Hinata, even when he asked for space, but they were just so unused to this sort of thing.
They look to Hinata, the nervous and worried expression in his eyes. The traveler can see a road ahead, a fork further down, the left fork leading into plains and the right into a forest. They could leave him again now—it'd be the easier thing to do, since solitude was something Kino was accustomed to. Self-reliant. Self-sufficient. They could work through the block in their head and continue onward alone. That sort of path appealed to Kino.
But this is Hinata Shouyou saying he can be quiet, he can be wherever, and they can tell he just wants to help. The amount of care is... alarming, in a way. Unwieldy. The traveler wasn't sure what to do with it.
There was a path and two forks and they don't know which one the CDC would want them to take, which would lead towards the person Kino had wanted to be and remain and which lead towards the mold they wanted them to fill.
But he hasn't moved, his gaze hasn't wavered, and finally Kino blinks.] If... if you say so. If you want.
[Kino didn't want to go anywhere. The observation deck was empty and quiet, and that's what they wanted right now. The kid slowly sits down on the floor, several feet away from the glass, drawing their knees up to their chest with arms crossed over, head resting on them.
Very small, slightly closed off, but there's certainly a space next to them.]
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