Kino "needs help reacting to something" (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
onlyatraveler) wrote2014-08-30 01:25 am
onlyatraveler) wrote2014-08-30 01:25 am
Inbox for CDC
kino@cdc.org
(1) UNREAD MESSAGES
kino@cdc.org
(1) UNREAD MESSAGES
kino@cdc.org
(1) UNREAD MESSAGES
kino@cdc.org
(1) UNREAD MESSAGES
no subject
The person who worked hardest to make sure I didn't exist anymore
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
Is on the crew now
no subject
Instead of the person who was your... Somebody, was it? Sora?
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Are they a threat to you here? [Kino getting vaguely defensive.]
no subject
Sora isn't here. They must have assigned him to a different ship.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
Sora is... fine. I guess there's no reason to hurt me now.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
He said he came here to make up for his mistakes.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
So I punched him in the face.
[ text probably does not convey how torn up he is about all of this. ]
no subject
Oh. That's unfortunate. It would've been interesting to see you two work together.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
That's not exactly how most would approach someone who seemed repentant, but I can understand why you did something like that.
Will his presence on the ship be a problem for you?
no subject
I don't understand it. It didn't make me feel any better.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
He definitely deserved it. But I still feel helpless.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
He can't make up for what he did, it pisses me off that he thinks he can.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
But I have to leave him alone or ghost will throw me and garrus out the airlock.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
I don't want to see him anyway. I just want him to disappear. It's what he made me do.
no subject
Personally I've never found vindication to be very liberating.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Avoiding getting thrown into space is important, though. The instructors do not want us to fight amongst ourselves.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
Do you think you can ignore him like that?
What if you have to work with him?
no subject
Is that what it was supposed to be? Vindication...
[ These are all brand new emotions for him. His question is an earnest one, he isn't sure what vindication is supposed to feel like, what it's supposed to mean. ]
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
And I don't know. Maybe long enough to finish my contract.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
Then he won't get away with what he did, I'll change how things went...
no subject
It could've been. Typically that's what the feeling is, when one seeks to feel better by harming those who have hurt them in the past.
I tend to dissuade people from it. I've seen it destroy people rather than help them.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
What exactly did he do? I think you mentioned he forced you to disappear?
no subject
I... I think that's just another way for darkness to get into your heart.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
I don't want that to happen.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
It just... hurts.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
He had someone kidnap me and erased my memories.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
He put me in a computer and I thought... I thought I was a normal kid.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
But it was all to keep me quiet while they put Sora's memories back together.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
He told me I was nothing but a tool and should never have existed anyway.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
He said the same thing to Namine, and Axel... I fought my best friend.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
Because Ansem convinced me the only thing I could do was go back to Sora and disappear.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
But it wasn't the only thing I could have done.
no subject
Yes, I believe that's a good way to put that.
[A minute or so's pause as Kino sorts through the information.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I don't think anyone should manipulate someone's existence like that.
It's strange that he would feel bad for something like that he did, especially if he thought of you as nothing but a "tool."
The fact that you exist here on your own, with your own heart. Do you think that challenges what he believes in?
no subject
No one though we were supposed to exist.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
Until I came here, no one ever treated me like anything other than a tool.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
Xion had it even worse.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
Maybe the CDC agrees with him. Maybe that's why they brought him here.
no subject
Yes, from what you've told me, it seems that the Nobodies in your world have a very difficult existence.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I don't think the CDC would side with either one of you, though. They just want individuals to fulfill their own objectives.
You've proved your use to them as well, a use far more than that of a tool.
Having him here might be difficult, but he's the only one that thinks that about you.
Maybe you could change his mind, but only if you wanted.
no subject
Why do I care so much what he thinks.
[ It may not be a question Kino can answer for him, but Ansem is the root of so much pain he wishes he could just shake off, but that pain created a tree that branched off into many difference memories and emotions. ]
no subject
To me, it seems as though he's the one at the center of your struggle for individuality.
He might represent the "proof" that your world held against your existence at all.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I think it's also in our nature, though.
We always tend to listen more to the negative opinions others have about us more than the positive ones. At least, that I've noticed. [The well-traveled fourteen-year-old Kino was.]
no subject
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
That... makes us all kind of fragile, doesn't it.
no subject
FROM: kino@cdc.org
In a way, yes, I suppose it does.
no subject
Kaworu told me accepting fragility is what really makes you strong.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
So I guess it's... okay to feel upset, for a while.
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
As long as it isn't forever.
[ Simplistic, but getting somewhere. ]
no subject
FROM: kino@cdc.org
That could be true.
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I don't think any feeling lasts forever. You simply have to get through it as it is now.
no subject
It feels like forever, right now.
[ He has very little experience with having the chance to let his emotions fade with time, but he's willing to try it out, and hope for the best. ]
no subject
That would most likely not be suited for this conversation, however.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
You are coming into your own as your own individual existence now. Much of this will be strange.
I've always anticipated the oncoming day, though. There is a chance you might not feel much better, sure. But there is also the chance something incredible might happen.
[Life is beautiful for its unpredictability.]
no subject
Maybe that's it. Everyone else... took tomorrow away from me.
no subject
Nothing is ever black and white.]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I'm happy you've been able to reclaim it here.
[They're telling the truth. Kino can acknowledge one situation might be worse for them but better for others.]
no subject
FROM: roxas@cdc.org
You always know what to say. I'm really glad you're my friend, Kino.
no subject
Kino doesn't feel as though their messages have been generated for Roxas; they have little to draw on, so it's all been genuine. That seems to be what was best for him, though. They might not think themself so great at handling issues like these, but... if he says so...!]
FROM: kino@cdc.org
I'm happy to have been able to help.
I'm glad that we're friends as well.
[New to them so Kino is.]